Sunday Roach

So I found a cockroach in my apartment last night. That was only the third cockroach I'd ever seen in my life (apart from certain small roles they got in some films and TV shows that I've had the pleasure to watch). The other two real life cockroaches I spotted were on my walk back to the apartment last night, funnily enough! Anyway, their on-screen cameos dont do them justice...they are HUGE, UGLY and FAST!

Now, I'm used to killing spiders, but cockroaches are totally different...they're like proper animals and you get the impression that you cant just step on them or bang them with a rolled up newspaper to get rid of them. So I got creative and grabbed one of the platic cups I use for flippy cup that are stacked high beside my front door, with the intention of trapping it under the glass and somehow humanely drowning it in the toilet. But the cockroach was too goddamn big to fit under the glass and it scuttled under the armchair and then just vanished.

So I quickly left the apartment to consider my options. I came up with nothing, so I returned just to find out where the cockroach was (hopefully not anywhere near my bed) and to seal off all entraces to my bedroom so that I could figure things out in the morning. But when I opened the door, in the shadows of the wall to my bedroom door I could see the dark, shiny, oval thing creeping and feeling its way around, so I ran towards it and a high speed chase followed. It wanted to go under my suitcase...but I picked the bag up, removing the cockroach's only option for cover. It then tried to go left into my bathroom but I cut it off with some nifty footwork. Then it tried to fool me by running in jagged circles around the place and keeping close to the edge of the wall.

But I just took a deep breath, prepared myself, took aim and....stomped my foot down on its scummy little backside. But no blood came out, only gloopy white goo. Gross. The spit of Satan himself was keeping this cockroach alive. Cleaning up the scene of the crime wasn't so pleasant, but at least the thing is in cockroach heaven now (which happens to be my idea of hell)and I am once again the supreme ruler (and in fact, only living thing) in my apartment shaped kingdom!